Nothing But Cowboy Page 17

  In the moment that she noticed the billboard ahead promoting the famous Kerrville Folk Festival, she heard Lucas mutter, “I hate that music. I never liked it, but now I hate it.” She understood, of course. It was only natural that he’d hate everything about the event that had brought his parents to the place where they’d died. When he saw her looking at him, he said, almost rebelliously, “If they hadn’t liked it, they wouldn’t have come here and they wouldn’t be dead.”

  “I get that,” she said, feeling out of her depth once more; how did you deal with the kind of love Lucas had shared with his parents, when she’d never known it? She’d seen it, around the world, but she’d never experienced it firsthand. So instead, she went with a simpler truth. “But you know, for me it makes me feel I know them a little, even though I never had the chance to meet them.”

  She heard Keller make a sharp move, guessed his head had snapped around to look at her. Thinking she might break from the plan and tell Lucas who she was? When she said nothing more, he quickly averted his gaze, back to the road ahead. Traffic was picking up a bit, no doubt from the festival, since this was the ending weekend for it. She’d done her research and knew that thousands of people swarmed the otherwise relatively small town.

  “That makes sense, I guess,” Lucas said slowly.

  In the end, the day was both grimmer and happier than she’d thought it would be. Not just for Lucas, but for her, too, which she hadn’t expected. But somehow seeing the names on the joint grave marker got to her, and she truly resented her parents in those moments, for stealing this from her, the possibility of knowing her aunt and uncle.

  But her resentment vanished in a still moment beside the graves, when Lucas wiped furiously at his eyes and turned away as if to deny he was crying. And Sydney heard Keller say quietly to the boy, “If there’s ever a time a man shouldn’t be ashamed of crying, this is it. They deserve your tears, Lucas. They earned them.”

  It took a moment, but then the boy’s head came up. He looked up at Keller, and then nodded sharply. And didn’t try to hide his face any longer.

  Keller Rafferty was quite a man.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Keller was only half listening to his mother’s Kerrville history lesson as they sat with the big sandwiches they’d picked up, at the picnic table overlooking the river in Guadalupe Park, on the River Trail. Lucas, however, steadier now, seemed rapt as she ran through the considerable accomplishments of the man the town—and county—were named for. James Kerr had had an impressive résumé for any era, from doctor to surveyor to Texas Ranger to politician.

  But Keller was watching Sydney, albeit surreptitiously, who seemed almost as fascinated as the boy was. And trying not to notice the way that dress clung to her, the shape of her legs in the dark stockings, and the way her now single-color hair slipped like polished silk whenever she moved her head.

  “He was born in Kentucky, as was his friend who founded the town and named it after him. But we forgive them for that,” his mom said with a wink that actually got a brief smile out of Lucas, and a laugh from Sydney.

  “So you don’t have to be born here to be an acceptable Texan?” she asked.

  “No,” his mother answered, “you just have to be a Texan at heart. True Texans have no patience for people who swoop in here and immediately start trying to change things.”

  His mother went on with the familiar story, including the fact that Kerr had picked the site and named the community of Gonzales, which eventually would be the scene of one of the most famous battles in Texas history. Lucas seemed particularly fascinated by the story of the eighteen defenders who had held off a hundred Mexican soldiers sent from San Antonio to get back a cannon. The eighteen responded with the now equally if not more famous “Come and take it!”

  “You should be a teacher,” Sydney said, rather fervently. “You make it come alive.”

  Keller wasn’t the only one who went still. But they left it to their mother to answer. “I was,” she said quietly.

  Keller saw her process, realize. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Not just that you had to give it up, but for the reason why.”

  There was nothing but simple, honest sincerity in her voice. And his mother responded accordingly. “As am I. He was the best man I’ve ever known, and I adored him.”

  Sydney shook her head in obvious wonder. “I’ve never… I’ve seen it, a few times, but… That’s why you never remarried?”

  His mother laughed. “I’ve quite enough testosterone around these days,” she said, waving around the picnic table at her sons, and carefully including Lucas in the gesture. “Besides, I wouldn’t subject any poor man to trying to live up to their father. It’s a test no one could pass.”

  “I don’t know,” Sydney said. “I think his sons might manage it.”

  That earned her the warmest smile yet. His brothers lowered their eyes, as if embarrassed. Except for Cody, who rolled his eyes.

  “If that was flattery,” his mom said, “it worked. There’s nothing I like more than my sons being appreciated.”

  Keller still stayed silent. In part because he knew perfectly well that none of the Rafferty boys would ever consider themselves as having lived up to their father. And even though their mother had been careful to point out that had he made it home who knows what would have happened, that he might have disappointed one or all of them, Keller knew none of them really believed he would have.

  And because he was wondering what the hell had set Cody off. He was going to have to have a talk with his little brother. For all his admitted geekiness, Cody wasn’t usually antisocial or judgmental, so something had to have brought this on. And if she was going to be around a lot, it would be easier if his brother could at least turn off the glare.

  He wasn’t quite sure how to make her being around a lot easier on himself. He couldn’t avoid her—Lucas was his, he’d been the one to take this on, and he’d have to oversee this huge shift in the boy’s life. Poor kid, first his folks, then the group home, then landing here and having to adjust all over again, and now this.

  No, like his mother’s focus had been on her sons, his focus had to be on what was best for Lucas.

  And developing a case of the hots for Lucas’s newly discovered cousin was not the way to do that.

  *

  Sydney spent a lot of the ride back to Last Stand just thinking. Pondering the kind of family this was, headed by the woman who gave up her career to see to her family. Her own mother wouldn’t have given up a cup of coffee for her, yet expected her to bail them out whenever they ran through what money they had. Their reasoning was that they were the ones who had introduced her to the world, therefore the success of her business based on things from all over that world was, in effect, because of them.

  By the time they got back to the house Lucas seemed to have recovered his equilibrium. She, on the other hand, felt as if she were mired in chaos, and utterly lost. Which was crazy; how did it happen that she was the one confused while Lucas seemed to be handling this grim anniversary if not well, at least calmly?

  Because he’s got this family behind him, and he knows it.

  She was only vaguely aware of being ushered inside by Mrs. Rafferty. She heard a quiet exchange between the older woman and the quietest Rafferty brother, the one with the touch of gray at his temples and the haunted eyes.

  “I’ll take him now.” At her nod, he turned and called out to Lucas, “Hey, kid. Want to give me a hand? I’ve got a dog ready to meet some new people.”

  She noticed Lucas’s widened eyes as he said excitedly, “Help you with the dogs? Yeah!”

  They were gone before she could focus on what was happening, and she couldn’t help wondering if the man had been trying to get Lucas away from her, especially when he didn’t even look at her before they left. Rylan went practically on their heels, although at least he gave her a goodbye nod. And Cody had vanished before they even set foot inside.

  “Is that…safe for him?�
� she asked, remembering what she knew of the kind of dogs Chance worked with.

  “We wouldn’t let him go if it wasn’t,” Keller said, rather edgily. “Chance would die to protect him if he had to.” He was quite serious, she could tell.

  “They get along well,” Mrs. Rafferty said, her tone more even. “I think they recognize that they have things in common.”

  Loss. She meant loss. And she wondered how many brothers-in-arms Chance Rafferty had lost.

  “And,” his mother went on, “he’s opened up a bit since Lucas has been here. So the boy’s good for him.”

  If this was opened up, she didn’t want to think about what Chance Rafferty had been like before.

  “I was just worried,” she said, sounding lame even to herself.

  “I understand that,” Mrs. Rafferty said.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Rafferty,” Sydney said, meaning it.

  “First thing, you need to stop calling me that. Maggie will do. Margaret will get you decked.” Sydney couldn’t stop the laugh that broke from her. “Ah, that’s better. You were looking a bit shaky there for a while. Keller, that one’s over to you, I’ve got some bookkeeping to do.”

  The petite, slender blonde spun on her heel and was gone almost before Sydney could register it.

  “Is she always like that?”

  “The tireless dynamo, you mean?” Keller said dryly. “Yes.”

  “Actually, I meant so…perceptive.”

  “That, too. Rare were the times any of us could put one over on her, and don’t even try to hide anything from her.” He looked at her consideringly. “So, why were you so shaky? You didn’t say a word all the way back here.”

  “I was…” She hesitated, then went on. “I was feeling guilty.”

  He drew back slightly. “Guilty?” His gaze narrowed. “About what?”

  She guessed he was probably expecting some confession that she’d been lying all along. And she knew only the truth would counter that.

  “About feeling…there at the gravesite…that…” She swallowed, thinking how horrible the truth was going to sound. She felt her eyes well up, and blinked rapidly. Finally, it came out in a rush. “I felt guilty because they were so obviously good, loving parents, and I looked at Lucas and saw his pain, how much he’d clearly loved them, and I couldn’t help thinking that…the wrong parents had died.”

  She couldn’t look at him, didn’t want to see the revulsion in his face at the awful words. Still, she sensed him go very still. A chill swept over her, and she shivered, helpless to stop it.

  “Damn,” he muttered, and she knew he was indeed repulsed by what she’d said and—

  Suddenly she was enveloped in warmth, and a pair of strong, impossibly strong arms came around her. She didn’t even think about resisting; it felt too good. She turned her head, rested it against the solid wall of his chest. The warmth, the strength, the powerful beat of his heart, it was all like a drug, making her tangled emotions drain away. In this moment, nothing mattered except how good this felt.

  With her ear against him, she felt as well as heard him say, almost under his breath, “I used to think about how unlucky we were, to lose Dad so young. But at least we had him. Knew he loved us. And we still had Mom.”

  “Keller?” she whispered, not even sure what she was asking.

  “You remind me it could have been worse.” He let out a compressed breath. “Degrees of hell, I guess.”

  “But it was such an awful thing to think.”

  “From what you’ve told me, they’ve earned every bit of it.”

  “But…I’m afraid I’m like them. Until today, when I met Lucas, until I looked into his eyes, I didn’t realize I was being just as selfish as they are. Worried about what I wanted instead…” She gulped in a deep breath. “You tried to tell me. You asked me if this was about what I wanted, or what was best for Lucas. I told myself it was both. But maybe I was kidding myself.”

  “You’re not like them,” he said.

  She sighed. But didn’t move, afraid if she did he’d let go. And she didn’t want him to let go.

  Ever.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Careful what you wish for.

  The old warning replayed in Keller’s head as he yawned yet again. He’d spent Saturday night, after Sydney had gone back to the inn, wishing he’d never given in to the urge to comfort her. He’d slept little, and spent most of the night telling himself what an idiot move that had been.

  And trying to forget how good it had felt to hold her.

  Lecturing himself that she’d been in such obvious pain it was instinct alone that had made him move didn’t help. Chastising himself that it was a bit twisted that holding a person in such pain felt so good didn’t help, either.

  By Sunday night, after a day spent trying to get all his ranch work done in time for Cody’s birthday dinner—followed by the funny cake decorated with an amazing accurate image of his brother’s computer array—he’d reached his last resort, telling himself that he’d just neglected that part of his life for too long. It had been more than a year, he’d realized with a little jolt, since his last relationship, which had barely lasted long enough to be called that, had ended when Vanessa’s ex had shown up wanting her back. She gone with delight, and just enough regret to salve his ego. Although he hadn’t really been all that upset, since he’d always known it was a rebound relationship for her. In fact, that had been somewhat of an escape hatch for him; it was easy to not care so much when you knew there was an expiration date.

  That rationalization allowed him to finally get some sleep. Unfortunately for his weary brain, his body seemed to be sending signals that translated into the hottest dreams he’d had in years, erotic images that featured him kissing every inch of Sydney’s lovely, naked body, lingering at the one part he’d actually seen that way, the newly bared nape of her neck beneath the silky, now all-blond hair. The dreams were so vivid, so real, that there was a moment of disconnect when he woke up early Monday and she wasn’t there.

  And that heated, restless night had brought on the old axiom. He’d wished for sleep and gotten it…but he wasn’t sure it wasn’t worse than no sleep at all.

  He needed to roll out. There was a lot on his mental agenda for this Monday, but he couldn’t quite make himself move. He glanced at his bedside clock, saw that it was a little after five. Just starting to get light. Light enough to work, though. If he doubled up on the caffeine intake.

  A cold shower woke him up, and chilled his other problem. Body reluctantly more cooperative now, he dressed quickly and headed for the kitchen. He yawned again as he hit the button on the coffeemaker Ry had set up last night. They rotated setting it up the night before, and anyone who forgot heard about it the next day. Even Lucas took his turn, although he complained he didn’t drink the stuff so it wasn’t fair. Keller had pointed out how much worse a mood they were all in without their morning coffee, so it was in his best interests to do his part. Lucas had frowned, thinking, but then had nodded and never mentioned it again.

  “Well done,” his mother had told him after the boy had been off to school.

  He’d grinned at her. “I had a good teacher.”

  “I’m just glad he feels safe enough here now to complain.”

  She was right. The skittish, scared kid who had first arrived here after the juvenile court proceedings would never have said a word.

  Now, as he waited for the coffee, he allowed himself a wry smile at what his life had become, a thing where the whining of a young teenager was a good thing.

  He was downing that second mug of the brew when his phone chimed an incoming text. He pulled it out, and stopped breathing for a moment when he saw it was Shane. Barring an emergency, there was only one reason he could think of for him to be contacting him at this hour.

  He sucked in a deep breath, opened the app, and read.

  Results back. Call me.

  Shane had to have put some pressure on, to have this more complex test ba
ck this fast. He had such respect in the county, hell in the entire state if not the country, just him calling to check on progress could speed things up. Or maybe they’d just caught the lab at a slow moment. Or—

  Stop stalling.

  He hit the phone icon and it dialed.

  “Figured you were awake,” Shane said without preamble.

  “You live on a working ranch, you should know,” he managed to retort fairly evenly. And thankfully, Shane didn’t torture him with chat.

  “Likelihood of the relationship is ninety-seven percent.”

  Keller let out a long breath. “Not surprised.”

  “And now you get to tell Lucas. Know how you’re going to do it yet?”

  “No,” Keller admitted.

  “Maybe you should leave it to her.”

  “But I’m the one he trusts, I think.”

  “I know he does. Look, I need to notify her, too, but I’ll wait until business hours,” Shane said, which made Keller appreciate even more the early heads-up.

  “I’ll tell her.” He wasn’t even sure why he’d volunteered for that. He’d brought Shane in, and knew that made it semi-official, and that Shane being Shane he’d have to confirm. “This morning. I’ll let you know when…she knows.”

  “All right.” A pause, then, “Maybe you two should tell Lucas together.”

  That Shane echoed the idea that had, unbidden and unwanted, formed in his mind the moment he heard the confirmation of what he’d known in his gut was true, made him feel it was almost inevitable.

  “Yeah. Maybe,” he muttered.

  “Work out how, then go for it,” Shane suggested.

  Easy for you to say.

  After ending the call he stood there, coffee forgotten, staring rather blankly at the familiar pattern of the stone counter. Only the sound of the outside kitchen door opening and footsteps snapped him out of it.

  “It ready?” Ry asked.