THE MORNING SIDE OF DAWN Read online

  Yes, he could bail out now and go back to the warehouse, retreat from all this emotional turmoil. He wasn't any good at it; he'd proven that time and again, and only Cassie's stubborn determination had kept her around, putting up with his stumbling efforts. He could just take himself out of her life, a course of action that would no doubt be better for both of them. He should wheel over there right now and—

  "Dar?" Sean's voice made him freeze in the act of actually reaching for the push rims to shove off toward the van. "Come back in. Cassie's asking for you."

  He heard the swish of the automatic doors as Sean went back inside. His fingers tightened around the rims of his chair as his brain ordered his arms to move, to get him the hell out of here, before his entire life changed irrevocably. The idea scared him more than anything had since the day he'd awakened in another hospital twelve years ago and realized his life as he'd known it was over forever.

  He couldn't deal with a change like that again, he told himself. He'd had his life upended once before; that was enough. He'd just get in his van and get out of here. Cassie would understand. He wouldn't have to face her, wouldn't have to tell her what she already knew, that he was… He was…

  Afraid.

  You've taken something beautiful and turned it ugly because you're afraid. So you just lock yourself away, inside yourself as much as inside this warehouse, never letting the world in.

  He hated the sound of it, but could he really deny it? Hadn't he wanted to do exactly that, just now? Climb in his van and escape back to the warehouse, his cocoon of safety?

  What if he did? What if he followed his churning gut and ran? Would it really make any difference?

  It hit him then, with as much force as he had once been hit by a speeding train. No matter what he did, he would never be the same again. Cassie had gotten past his defenses, had wormed her way into his heart, his life, into his battered soul. He wasn't the same man he'd been before she'd dropped back into his life, and he never would be again. If he left right now and never came back, never saw her again, it wouldn't matter.

  Except that he couldn't imagine doing that. He couldn't imagine never seeing her again. The only thing that was harder to imagine was wheeling into that hospital room and facing her now.

  He heard the swish of the automatic doors again, and braced himself for Sean asking why the heck he was stalling.

  "Dar! Dar!"

  Damn, he thought. They'd sent in the big gun. Katie's bright voice was restored now to its usual cheer. In fact, Dar thought as the child ran toward him, she sounded even more bouncy than usual. Once again she threw herself into his arms, this time planting a noisy and somewhat wet kiss on his cheek.

  "I asked Aunt Cassie, and she said I had to ask you, but I know you'll say okay, won't you?"

  "Ask me what?" he said warily.

  "If I get to be in your wedding, like I was in Uncle Sean's! I wanna wear a green dress, like Aunt Cassie wore, an' a pair of green shoes, an'—"

  "Katie," he said, very quietly, but with an undertone that got even the lively eight-year-old's attention, "what are you talking about? What wedding?"

  "Yours and Aunt Cassie's, of course," the little girl answered matter-of-factly.

  "Mine and—" His breath caught in his throat, and he couldn't even finish the sentence.

  "You'll be my uncle then, really," Katie said. "And after the wedding, we can—"

  "What makes you think there's going to be a wedding?"

  For the first time Katie's excited flow of chatter ceased as she gave him a puzzled look. "Because that's what happens when people love each other," she explained kindly. "Like Mommy and Daddy, and Uncle Sean and Aunt Rory."

  He took a long, deep breath, and had to swallow again before he managed to say carefully, "I suppose that's right. But what makes you think…" he had to pause and steady his voice before he could get it out "…that Cassie and I … love each other?"

  "She said so, silly."

  His breath caught. "She did?"

  The little girl nodded. "So can I? Please? I did good at Uncle Sean's wedding."

  "Katie, what exactly did she say?"

  "I told you," she said impatiently.

  "Honey, please," he said, not sure why he so urgently needed to know, only sure that he did. "What did she say?"

  Something in his tone got through to the child, because her forehead creased in thought. Then it cleared as she apparently remembered. "She said, 'I love him, so get used to the idea.'"

  His stomach clenched, and he couldn't have said whether it was because of the words, or that they were so … so Cassie. Then the implications of what Katie was saying hit him.

  "Just who did she say this to?"

  Katie looked puzzled once more. "All of us," she answered. "Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Sean—"

  "Great," he muttered. She'd announced this to her entire family? He supposed it would be too much to ask that she might just mention it to him, first. And now Katie was expecting to be in a wedding. His wedding.

  He felt an odd sensation, as if something inside him had snapped. Then a fierce, hot tension filled him, and he told himself it had to be anger. What the hell did Cassie think she was doing? What the hell was her family going to think? And most of all, what the hell was he supposed to do now?

  "Damn," he swore under his breath.

  "Are you mad?" Katie asked with great interest.

  "Darn right I am," he muttered, barely managing to keep from repeating the fiercer oath in front of the child. He spun his chair around and started through the automatic double doors. Katie trotted alongside, still looking at him curiously.

  By the time he reached the room he'd seen the family go into, Katie was running to keep up, giggling at the forbidden fun of racing down a hospital corridor. He yanked hard on the door to make it swing wide enough to let him wheel through before it closed on him.

  Four heads swiveled around, Sean and Rory on the closest side of the bed, Chase and Stevie on the other. They took one look at his face, glanced at one another, then Sean and Rory slowly began to back away to make room for him.

  The bed was raised at the head, and Cassie was propped up by a pillow. His first glimpse of her gave him a qualm; she was still noticeably pale, and there was a bandage at the back of her head. But the way she looked at him helped him rein in the crazy tension that was rocketing around inside him, the thing he was certain was fury, and when he spoke he managed to sound merely angry.

  "Was there something you wanted to tell me before you announce it to the world at large? Maybe take out an ad in the paper?"

  She smiled at him then, a wide, joyous smile that made his heart take a little leap and his stomach knot.

  "I thought I already had told you," she said. "Quite explicitly."

  There was no mistaking the husky undertone in her voice, or the heat that glowed in her eyes, and vivid, erotic memories of last night sent a flush rising through him that he knew had to be visible to everyone.

  "Damn, Cassie," he muttered, shifting uncomfortably.

  But Cassie was clearly in no mood to cut him any slack. She raised one hand and gestured at the Holts and Camerons.

  "But I'll tell you just like I told them, if you like," she said, her solemn tone laced with a determination he'd come to realize was as strong as his own when she wanted it to be. "I love you, Dar Cordell. Get used to it."

  He stared at her. She'd said it. She'd really said it. It hadn't been some mix-up, some misunderstanding. Not only had she said it, but she'd said it in front of her family. And if there was one thing he'd learned, it was that Cassie Cameron was honest to the bone. If she said it, she meant it.

  She meant it. She loved him.

  Something sharp and small dug into his ribs, and he jumped. An elbow, Katie's elbow.

  "You're supposed to say it back now," she hissed, in a whisper that was anything but quiet, and caused more than one furtive grin on the other faces in the room.

  He remembered how he'd felt,
at the top of that cliff, looking down at her too-still body. He remembered his fear as he'd followed the ambulance here to the hospital. He remembered what had seemed like hours of waiting, terrified that she was going to die. And he remembered the bleak images that had come to him, of a life going on without her, devoid of the color and fire she'd brought, empty of the joy and laughter. A life he'd once thought enough. A life he'd once thought himself content with. A life he knew now was only a shell, a carefully constructed and maintained cage that had kept him in as well as it had kept the world out.

  I love you.

  Three little words. They shouldn't be so hard to say. Especially since he knew, deep in his gut, that they were true.

  "Dar!" Katie exclaimed, elbowing him again.

  "Shh, Katie," Cassie said gently. "It's all right. He'll get around to it when he can."

  At her gentle understanding, that odd tension that had been whirling around in him settled into a hot, hard knot deep in his chest, making it almost impossible to breathe. God, she was amazing. She had a kind of courage he'd never had, the courage to risk herself, to hand him her heart even knowing he would probably break it.

  Because she loved him. Dear God, she loved him. Cassie Cameron loved him.

  "Cassie, I—"

  "It's all right, Dar. I know you're not ready, that you don't trust me—"

  "Don't trust you?" he exclaimed, astonished. Was that what she thought? Then he lowered his eyes. Of course it was, he realized. What reason had he ever given her to think otherwise? "You were right, you know," he said suddenly, staring at the railing of the bed, nearly at eye level for him because of the hospital bed's height. "Everything you said was right."

  "Dar—"

  She stopped as he at last made himself meet her gaze. He wondered what was showing in his face. He wondered what Sean and the others were thinking. He wondered, but he didn't stop. He couldn't stop. Even though he knew he was going to sound like a plaintive child.

  "You … love me?"

  She looked at him as if she knew exactly the feelings that drove him to ask.

  "I love you," she repeated softly. "And it doesn't matter if you don't love me back yet—"

  "But I do."

  It came out in a rush, and in the same instant that tension, that unbearable pressure in his chest released its grip.

  "I love you," he said, slowly, testing the words, realizing that not only were they the key to that release of pressure, but they were also the only way to prove to her that he trusted her enough to risk himself. The one thing she'd always said he was afraid to do. And now he'd done it, and found it hadn't really been that hard after all. Not when it was for Cassie.

  "I love you," he repeated, the sense of wonder he was feeling echoing in his voice.

  "Oh, Dar," Cassie said, a suspicious moistness building in her eyes. But no tears could dim the joy glowing in the vivid green eyes he'd once feared never to see again.

  As the Holts and Camerons gathered around once more, Dar realized that for a second time, the life he'd known had ended in a hospital. But this time the prospect was joyous, a gift he'd never expected to receive. A gift forged out of loneliness and isolation, turned into something beautiful and precious by the heart of an incredible woman.

  "Now do I get to be a flower girl again?" Katie asked insistently.

  "I think that we might be able to arrange something," Dar said, looking only at Cassie. "I'll even put my feet on for that."

  Cassie shook her head. "Oh, no, you don't. I've got my heart set on riding down the aisle with you, Cordell."

  He couldn't answer her; his throat was too tight.

  "Are you cryin', Dar?"

  It was Katie's last question as her mother hustled her—and the rest of the family—out of the room. And pulled the door shut behind them.

  * * *

  Epilogue

  «^

  "You're sure about this?"

  "Umm-hmm," Cassie murmured, running her hands down Dar's back. "Don't you think it's a good idea?"

  "Running an agency is a lot of work," he said, "but if it's what you want, if you really want to quit…"

  "It's really what I want. I think I've known it for a long time."

  He shifted as if to move off her, but she held him with her legs. She heard him stifle a sigh rife with pleasure as he gave up and settled into the cradle of her hips, bracing himself on his elbows above her.

  "Since about the day you cut your hair?" he suggested, reaching to tousle the silky hair that she'd had trimmed into a wispy short cut that he'd told her made her eyes look huge and her nose impossibly sassy. While the shearing had been in many ways symbolic, she'd come to like it. And Dar loved it, was constantly running his fingers through it, and nibbling at her ears and the bare nape of her neck; that was enough recommendation for her.

  "Probably," she admitted. "If not before. It's been a long time coming."

  "Then go for it."

  She smiled up at him. "I can do it from here, at first, until we get going. Or maybe set up a permanent office here, if you don't mind."

  "I told you I don't mind. It's easy to make a separate room with those movable walls. We can partition off that whole back corner, if you want. Or back it up to the bedroom."

  Cassie looked at him consideringly, wondering if she dared bring up the subject she had been wanting to for some time. He had confessed that he'd wondered if their lack of caution that first night might have left her pregnant. She'd been a little startled at the leap her spirit took at the thought, and a little chagrined at her own carelessness, although she hadn't thought the timing right. But she hadn't been able to read his feelings about it at all, other than a natural relief a few days after she was released from the hospital and they'd found she wasn't. Since then, they'd been very careful.

  But she'd never asked if he planned on being careful forever. It wouldn't change her feelings, but she wanted to know. Deciding it was past time to find out, she took the plunge.

  "I kind of had that space next to the bedroom in mind for a nursery, someday."

  Dar went very still. "You did?"

  "If you don't mind," she repeated.

  "I…" He stopped, and swallowed visibly. "God, Cassie, I don't—"

  "I know, it's scary. And it's way too much too fast. But at least think about it? For someday?"

  He looked doubtful, and more than a little scared. He shook his head. "I'd make a lousy father."

  "How can you say that, when you had such a perfect example? You probably know more about what not to do than anyone."

  He looked startled, then thoughtful. Seizing the moment, she reached up to cup his face. "I would very much like to have your baby, Dar Cordell."

  She saw him swallow again, and he lowered his eyes, but she saw the flutter of his thick lashes as he blinked rapidly. And she knew that yet another door had opened in the Cordell Fortress.

  Someday, she promised herself, those walls would be nothing but a memory.

  She looked at him for a long moment, free to study him while he was avoiding her eyes, trying to regain his control. She looked at the dark silk of his hair, the perfect features, the incredible eyes, made all the more amazing now by the lively flash of emotions he let show. He was, she thought, quite simply beautiful.

  "You sure you won't model for me?" she asked, knowing the answer; they'd been over this ground before. Dar, as usual, snorted in answer. With him lying atop her, Cassie felt it, as well as heard it, and grinned at him. "Just as well. I don't think I'd like half the women in the world panting after my husband."

  He gave her a wry look. "Is this where I admit I'm glad my wife isn't going to be plastered on the cover of every magazine in sight anymore?"

  She smiled at him. "I'm glad, too."

  "You're sure?"

  Cassie knew he'd had doubts when she announced her plans to make her vacation a permanent one, knew he'd wondered if she was giving it up for his sake. Only her enthusiasm for her plan of beginning an
agency of her own had convinced him.

  "I'm sure," she said. "I want to do this. That old world of mine needs its cage rattled. They need a reality check. And reality includes people in chairs, people with guide dogs, with gray hair, people who don't conform to some marketeer's concept of perfect. And," she added before he could speak, "I'm not doing it for you. I thought about this long ago, when I first realized how superficial looks are. When I realized far too many people in my business knew nothing about what really matters, like what's inside a person."

  He was quiet for a moment, and she sensed he was fighting some inner battle to believe her.

  "I mean it, Dar. I'd want to do this anyway. Maybe I can't change things, maybe they can't be changed, but I want to try."

  "Well," he said finally, "I'm just glad you won't be attracting the Willises of the world anymore."

  Cassie smiled sadly. "So am I. But do you know, I feel sorry for him?"

  Willis's story, when it had come out, had been heart wrenching, how he'd arrived home just minutes too late to save his daughter, his only child. It had happened only a few months before, and when he'd seen a Cassandra cover, and the amazing resemblance to his murdered daughter, he had, in his grief, become convinced she was his Audra come back to him, and that this time he had to save her. He had truly never meant to hurt anyone, and had been horrified that Cassie had been injured. So horrified that she hadn't had the heart to blame him.

  "He loved his daughter so much," Cassie said sadly. "And what happened to her was so awful… I'm glad he's getting help."

  "Because you wouldn't press charges," Dar noted. "You know he could have just as easily been the worst kind of stalker."

  "I know," she said with a sigh.

  She didn't think she could explain that, in a strange way, she felt as if she'd owed at least that much to the confused man; if not for Willis, she and Dar might never have truly found each other.